Well, here goes...

OK, well... where to start... Man, I didn't think it would be quite this hard...

Everyone keeps warning me about this whole blogging thing, but I think it'll be fine if I put some of my thoughts out into cyberspace. "Don't put your real name on there or your home town," they said. Now, for heaven's sake, Winston-Salem has about 150,000 people now and too many Thomases to ever list.

And then I was warned about putting my pic out here. Oh, well, no one ever recognizes me anyway. Even some of my old schoolmates don't know me now, but they recognize my voice, even on the phone. I don't feel as though I have changed that much, but maybe I have.

And then there were statements about my saying I've had a heart attack and them wondering aloud how many heart attack survivors are this age and living in my town and how many of them share my first name? Because as we all know, the government publishes the names, ages, social security numbers, hometowns, marital status, educational records, books last read, and whether we are right- or left-handed of all living heart attack survivors on the Heart Attack Survivors Registry (that was established during the New Deal or the War on Poverty, I forget which, and was subsequently renewed by an Executive Order by Jimmy Carter when he was, as usual, not doing anything else productive). Victims (i.e., those who are not survivors) have to fill out several forms in triplicate well in advance of their fatal cardiac event or face having their names illegally listed among the survivors and that means a fine of $10,000 or having to listen to tapes of Howard Cosell singing for a few years, or both if you have a particularly cruel judge.

And, yes, I am just a tad sarcastic, and I have a dry sense of humor. But my sarcasm sort of points a funny and memorable point on my criticisms. I only criticize things I think need to be improved or just cannot believe.

In no particular order, things I cannot believe include, but are in no way limited to:

A) people who deny that radical Muslims want to kill us, even though they have repeated this time and time again;

B) people who think looking for terrorists in airports and airplanes -- despite the fact that, over the last 25 years, the overwhelming majority of hijackers have been the following: male, in their 20s or 30s, of Middle Eastern descent, and of the Muslim faith -- is an act of "racial profiling";

C) people who keep telling me Bill Clinton was never impeached because they cannot figure out that "impeachment" is the trial phase of "removal from office." "Removal from office" is just that; if an incumbent is found "guilty" during the impeachment, then he or she will be "removed from office." (For goodness sake, is this really that hard to understand? When the Senate convened to vote on whether or not to remove him from office, they impeached Bill Clinton. The process never got to the removal phase.);

D) people who use the words "irregardless" (because it isn't a word and "regardless" is!), "curriculums" (because if you're intent on using Latin, then use the correct form: "curricula" is the plural form), syllabuses (the correct Latin plural is syllabi"), and individuals who call themselves "alumni" (Unless you suffer from multiple personality syndrome -- and more than one of you... them... whatever... got degrees or got the honorary distinction -- it's "alumnus" for a man and "alumna" for a woman -- and "alumnae" for women.);

and, finally, (for now)...
E) people who think that all know all about me because I'm a male, or a little rotund for my height, or a Christian, or a Baptist, or a seminary student, or a Star Trek fan, or a conservative, or a Republican, or that I love listening to the Statler Brothers, (and Johnny Cash, the Beatles, Elvis, and "Weird Al" Yankovic), or that I watch TV a lot, or that I still actually read books and enjoy it immensely, or anything that else that "helps" them get a handle on me without even talking to me.

Wow, I got a LOT out this first go-round. Thanks for reading! And my political blog will be up soon as well!

God bless!

Signing off for now,
Thomas the Real Tin Woodsman